Dear Sam, Is it Time?

My darling Sam,

I can’t believe it is the Year 2020 already. On May 14th you will be gone 8 years. It seems like yesterday to me. Hoping against hope, I pray you hear me when I talk to you, ask for help finding things, and even sleep with me at night. You told me that if there was anyway you could help me after you were gone you would..and you have.

Actually, I know for a fact you do, because every time I ask for help you give it to me…from starting the lawnmower shortly after I lost you, to the snowblower during those awful winters at Lake Allegan….What the hell I was doing out there is beyond me, but you always went out of your way to make me happy and show me how much you loved me…even as you were dying. We did have some fun when we were out there and you did get your boat finally, but as you grew sicker only now do I realize what a drain it was for you.

I miss you so desperately and long to see you again. This is a hard letter to write, but I need some guidance from you. A “sign” lets say. Like I said, I am a much more Spiritual person, still go to Mass as you did, but don’t go along with a lot of things that the Church has done.

You are physically with me now as your ashes sit in a beautiful urn on my fireplace. I feel so close to you and I have something physical that represents you, as well as my favorite photos of you. I feel you hear me much better this way. We’ve made a move to Atlanta and back, and you’ve witnessed a lot of craziness on my part. (Sorry.) Here is my question. Are you at peace? Are you resting in peace, as it were?

A few days after you passed there was a visit from a member of Blessed Sacrament Church (who had lost her husband suddenly) and she told me I should give you a Christian Burial, so your soul could “Rest in Peace”. Thus the question, “Is your Soul at Peace?” I can’t imagine any place you’d rather be…lol. I know you are in Heaven because you suffered so much down here. So as the song says, “Give me a sign, some kind of sign” I Love you to the moon and back..always will. Peace out my Love.

And to my readers: Please feel free to tell me how you handled this situation and how you feel about it.

7 thoughts on “Dear Sam, Is it Time?

  1. Theresa, I too am still trying to handle it, and guess I always will be trying. It’s been almost 5 years, but like you, seems like a few weeks ago. I miss him so much!

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  2. Do what is right and comfortable for you! Everyone grieves differently, let yourself, not for what others say you should do. Asking for guidance, then being aware of the “reply” you will find your truth!

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  3. I know many people oppose cremation but I see nothing wrong with it. What is burning is the earthly shell we put on while living here. The soul has already left us and gone before us. I had my husband cremated and his ashes sit on a table with his picture and a candle. I talk to him all the time. Sometime when I see his urn I say “hi”.

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  4. Hi Theresa,
    I am following your blogs as it helps me feel close to you and lets me know how you are!
    I believe Sam’s soul is at rest and at peace.
    He is with God and God is with you – always.
    I just know you feel God’s love and care for you through your Sam. 💕 Sandy

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