The Reason I Breathe

IMG_0765

 

It’s about 6:00 am on what looks to be another gorgeous day in southwest lower Michigan and I am doing my usual routine.  Take the dog out, make coffee, and check the news to make sure the world hasn’t blown up while I was sleeping.

My life has changed in so many ways during the last five years.  The death of my husband of almost 30 years after a three year battle with cancer, the death of my sweet Waylon the Corgi dog  a year ago, who had been with us the last 13 years, and the death of my Mother this past November.  Not to mention two moves, from a home that I loved on Lake Allegan, Atlanta for six months and now I am  back in Kalamazoo, MI in a condo that I am trying to make my own.  There is a pattern to my itchy feet, it seems the longest I can stay anywhere is 24 months then I have to move on.  It’s true, it actually happens.

Trying to make the best of it, I find I am missing a very important part of life,  my immediate family.  Perhaps this is fueling my restlessness.  Most of my friends and family that are in the area still have their spouses, and their families  in the area.  I missed Christmas this year with my Son Andrew and my Grand Kids, due to an epic fail of a kitchen renovation at their house.  It was the first Christmas I missed with them EVER.

Let me also add that at my age, the only thing that is constant, is change.  Turns out we don’t live forever and as we get older, we lose our friends and family and pets  and must adjust to a new normal and quite frankly I am sick of it.  But that does not mean it will stop so in the meantime I want to be happy, healthy and enjoy the time I have left here.

Which brings me back to the blog title subject, my Family.  Moving back down to Atlanta seems appealing to me so that I could maybe have Sunday dinners for us or coffee with Andy on weekend mornings and get to know him a little better as a person, and that is when he opens up to me when we are together, over coffee at Starbucks.  The Grand Kids  are growing up and doing their own thing.  Addie is a sophomore in High School and accomplishing everything she tackles and Max is in his second year at Kennesaw State and thriving.  It would be nice if I was a little closer so I could get a hug every once in a while.  Maybe just figuring out how we could see each other more often, on a more regular basis would be an option.  I am also looking to live in a more moderate climate.  So win-win right?  Maybe for me, but…..

We learn to live without some things.  This is a tough one.