“Where are you Christmas?”  ” Why can’t I find you?” goes the song.  In writing this I am not suggesting that I am the only person on earth feeling this way.  I am merely reflecting on how I feel this Christmas and the memories from Christmas’s past.

This picture of Mom was taken the Christmas that Sam surprised me by flying from Portland to Kalamazoo in a blizzard, via Lansing, after they tried to land in Kalamazoo 3 times, taking a bus to Kalamazoo, and finding cab at midnight to Parchment,  walking in halfway through Midnight Mass, like a scene from “Train, Planes and Automobiles”.  The man truly loved me.

Memories keep us going, memories unite us, memories keep loved ones alive in our hearts. But life moves on whether I like it or not, situations bring changes,  and when I start to feel like the changes are way too much for me, I take a Xanax and go lay down.  I call it coping.

This year may be the first Christmas I do not spend with my Son and Grand Kids.  A remodeling project has left their home in shambles and they aren’t even sure where they will celebrate.  No ones fault, just circumstances.  We will get together to celebrate, whether it is December 25th or July 4th.  It doesn’t matter,  they are healthy and happy and that’s gift enough for me.

I will miss helping my Mom put up her Christmas Tree, the smells of candy being made in her kitchen, singing with her in the choir, and just knowing she was there if I needed her.  With Mom not here now my parents are gone and with the loss of Sam,  well he was always there…One thing about change, it is consistent.

And what about the weather?  Last warm one like this is 1987 when Sam rode his new Harley Soft Tail home from Perry’s on Christmas Eve.  Memories…….