I just finished reading “Braving The Wilderness” by Brené Brown. Her book speaks to the Wilderness as the state of Civility in America after the 2016 Presidential election. But that’s another blog post.
My Wilderness is being a widow. New territory in my life as of 6 years ago. Bona-fide member of “The Dead Husband Club.” It probably sounds crass, but it is the ugly truth. It is my reality.
For the better part of a decade I have been stumbling around, trying to make my way through a terrain that is both rough and lonely. No one really understands what it is like until you have gone through it. I take this a step further by saying that it is unique to the women, the widows that find themselves without their mate. Why? you may ask..don’t men find themselves in the same situation?
Here is the bitter truth. Not much has changed in the last 50 years in regards to men being the determinate in who they go out with. If (God forbid) a woman makes the first move, it is viewed by them as being too forward..that is if the woman is of a certain age. You see when a man has white hair they are distinguished, women not so much…younger women are attracted to older men and visa verse so there goes my dating pool. POOF. That and the fact that women outnumber men.
When I go out, and this is true with most of us, the first thing we do is look at his ring finger. Not always telling, but a good start. Another rub is that it seems everyone is coupled up. I go on vacation, couples; church, couples; bars, couples; paired up people everywhere. But I digress.
It’s difficult to put yourself out there. I’m not a loner but I need to start frequenting Singles events. Oh yeah, for older singles. That and taking the opportunity to be with some of my single girlfriends close to my age. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking for a husband, just a companion. I don’t mind my own company, but come on, a little bit goes a long way….When people ask me if there is anything they can get me, I want to quit answering “yeah, a man.”