Not exactly a club we want to be members of. Our husbands are gone, and here we sit, wondering what the hell happened. I must confess, when left on my own, the question still bothers me. What the hell happened? Don’t want to be a member but I am. More and more through life, I find that it doesn’t matter what I want, I must take it as it comes.
As you can maybe tell, I am wallowing in self pity today. Maybe it is a good thing I am alone, because I don’t know of too many people who want to be with me when I am like this. Honey came over to the couch as I was sobbing and tried to make me feel better with a nuzzle, such a sweet girl. I just cried harder.
Today I am angry that Sam left me here, alone and missing him more than I ever thought possible. I feel as if the grief is insurmountable today. My therapist tells me there will be days like this. That does not make it any less painful. I guess it is normal, but I don’t want to be normal, I want my husband back. I am a child today. I want my way. So much pain..so much pain.