Not exactly a club we want to be members of.  Our husbands are gone, and here we sit, wondering what the hell happened.  I must confess, when left on my own, the question still bothers me.  What the hell happened?  Don’t want to be a member but I am.  More and more through life, I find that it doesn’t matter what I want, I must take it as it comes.

As you can maybe tell, I am wallowing in self pity today.  Maybe it is a good thing I am alone, because I don’t know of too many people who want to be with me when I am like this.  Honey came over to the couch as I was sobbing and tried to make me feel better with a nuzzle, such a sweet girl.  I just cried harder.

Today I am angry that Sam left me here,  alone and missing him more than I ever thought possible.  I feel as if the grief is insurmountable today.  My therapist tells me there will be days like this.  That does not make it any less painful.  I guess it is normal, but I don’t want to be normal, I want my husband back.  I am a child today. I want my way.  So much pain..so much pain.