A Message From Sam

DSCN2352It was the second day of Spring, March 21st and I was feeling really great, thinking I might actually be getting lucky ( if you know what I mean)  so I went out to do my daily walk, when I received an email from said person saying he was going to chicken-out on that, oh, and by the way,  me….  Shit!  Again, I had fallen for someone with so much baggage and absolutely no interest in me, really.  Just flirting and I of course thought it was something it wasn’t.  Not that it stopped me though, being a glutton for punishment, I was not willing to give up.  Thinking I had finally worn him down, the joke was on me.  So  I fired off an email in response and just for good measure left him a voice mail, something to the effect that he was not going to get away with a chicken-shit email, he was gonna talk to me.  Well he did get away with it and did not call me back.

Cutting my walk short (I was going to show him) I ran home and jumped in the shower,  hoping to wash off everything that had happened since I got back to Kalamazoo.  As I was vigorously drying myself off, I noticed something on the shower floor that I did not recognize at first.  Kind of looked like an earring but I wasn’t wearing earrings.  In horror I realized it was the Cameo and chain that Sam had put around my neck on Valentines Day 2012 and had not been off my neck since then.  I blamed myself for being so rough on it.  Than I blamed chicken man.  Then I sobbed and went to Sam’s picture and told him how sorry I was and how much I missed him, and could he send me a message that he was with me or something to that effect?  (I am even trying to control dead people.)  Plus anyone who knew Sam would know that he would think not taking a necklace off for 3 years was kind of dumb, no matter what the reason.

Somehow I pulled myself together, went to the refrigerator, and opened a beer.  Then I opened another one and another.  I called my friend Kathy and we went to a bar and I drank another 4 or 5 along with a couple of Steak Tacos.  Oh and 2 baskets of popcorn.  Then I went home and had 1 more beer and a hot bath.  Feeling a little more relaxed, I went to bed while it was still light out, settled in with my David Baldacci book and read til I couldn’t hold my eyes open.  Of course when I closed my eyes, immediately the events of the day came rushing back.  When my eyes shut I was back in the shower looking at the floor and realizing that the reason I did not recognize my necklace right away was because it had landed upside down and the engraved message was showing.

It read “God and I love you Theresa”.

6 thoughts on “A Message From Sam

    1. That was a great “Message from Sam.” I took the time to read all the messages. You are a wonderful writer and inspirational.

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  1. This really connects Theresa. The heartache and grief get intermixed with frustration, anger, and the longing. Oh yes and let’s not forget the guilt, I too have cried out that I’m sorry. Caring people can sympathize but those who have not suffered the loss of a spouse simply cannot empathize. I do believe your writing does give insight to the emotional messiness of life after. God Bless you

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